We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
