Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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