Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
