Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
