Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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