dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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