Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
