When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
