I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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