I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
