you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
