I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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