you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
