It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
