sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she told me i tasted like america
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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