I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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