if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
