I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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