just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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