Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
