He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
