marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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