i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
