You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
