I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
