At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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