Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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