I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
only if we run a train.
done.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
