at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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