exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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