i jhust puked up my retainher.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
