areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
