Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
They took my balls.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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