did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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