pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
