Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
