im so drunk with asians
where?
always
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
