why im i the only drunk person in the library?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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