im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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