I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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