I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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