Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
