My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
