Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He did a backflip because drugs
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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