i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
