you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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