Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
