Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
