I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
barbara walters just said penis...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
