I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
