My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
These tits shall not be calmed
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
